Beautiful

There is such a stigma around weight, wouldnt you say?

Three years ago, heck who am I kidding, one year ago, I would have been mortified to tell anyone my weight, let alone make it public knowledge to anyone and everyone who has access to the internet.

I announced my weight to the world and society would expect me to feel shameful... Just because I am not 5'9 and 120 lbs, I should be embarassed? Only one year ago, I would have been mortified! What changed in the last year to make me feel comfortable sharing such "personal" and almost taboo information about myself?

From the time I was just a little girl, as I'm sure many of you will remember from your own childhood, I was being told, almost trained, to know what beauty looked like. You pick up a magazine, you turn on the TV, you talk to friends... It's all around you. All the beautiful women were different. Some had brown hair, some blonde. Some had blue eyes, some green. Some were tall, some short. What made these women beautiful? They all had one thing in common, they were thin. And from the time I was very young, I thought that the only way a person could be beautiful, was by being thin.

As a young adult, going to college and living on my own for the first time, I would measure my own beauty by how skinny I was compared to my friends. I was never the thinnest girl and thus, during the culmination of my young adult life, I thought I was ugly.

I constantly believed I was being judged by how I looked, and in turn, I judged others on how they looked. A lot of my energy on a daily basis was centred around appearances. What an unhealthy way to live!

At that time in my life, I had two very close friends. Although at the end of the day, I love these women dearly and will forever cherish the memory of my friendship with them, I am thankful that these friendships ended. I don't mean that in a malicious way of any sort, but a lot of my time with these women was spent discussing weight. When you hear someone half your size say "I'm so fat", I couldnt help but think: "What does that make me?". I had zero confidence. (I am definitely not blamming these two women for that!) Dont get me wrong, we had some great times! And to be honest, I had never realized anything was really "wrong" with these friendships until lately.

Over the course of the past year or so, I have formed some new friendships and a new confidence that has really changed my outlook on the subject of weight as a whole.

For one, my close girlfriends and I don't really talk about weight. We talk about our lives, books we are reading, wine we like, places we have travelled to... We do talk about health and various ways to stay healthy, but it is never in a negative way. The conversations are always positive and uplifting.

Seondly, my husband, my very best friend, has been a pillar of strength to me. Every day, not only does he tell me how beautiful I am to him, but he shows me, day in, day out. He sees me for who I am and loves me for just that. Every woman deserves to be treated the way he treats me and I pray that every single one of you finds what I am so incredibly lucky to have.

I am not ashamed that I am 185 lbs. Some might say: "Then why try and loose the weight?" I have two reasons: 1. I want to fit in my jeans again! Do you have any idea how much I paid for some of those darn jeans?! 2. I want to feel healthier. When I am living a more active lifestyle and making sure that what I put into my body will make me stronger, that's what makes me feel good. For me, a weight that I feel good at, is between 155 and 160 lbs. It's not 120 lbs. I'm ok with having some meat on my bones. I actually like it. But I want to feel good inside.

I may not be perfect. I may not be a size 6. But I am me. And whether I am 185 lbs or 130 lbs, whether I am lanky or curvy, I am beautiful because I am me. Just as you are beautiful because you are you.

For so many years, I wished to be thin and not curvy, to have blue eyes and not green, to have small thighs and not thick, to be a size 6 and not a size 10... ok who am I kidding, a size 12! What a waste of energy! Everyone is created with different attributes and that is what makes us beautiful.

If you get anything out of this, please know that you are meant to be just the way you are. The way you are in this very momment, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, you are perfect. Know that. Own it. And don't let anyone, ever, take that away from you.

Thanks for reading,

Danielle